I Really Do Suck!

It's been a thoughtful week. Heck, a thoughtful couple of months. I have been analizing a few aspects of my personality and seem to keep coming up short. And I am wondering what I can do to change things and why I am the way I am. It all started when I was little. My family was in the Air Force and that required us to move every few years. I became used to leaving old friends and old lives behind. For some of the members of my family this was difficult. And I never really understood why. Don't get me wrong - I was sad to leave my friends and my life I had built; but I was also excited for the changes and the newness of a move. I think that although it was a life situation, it was also a part of who I was. I have always loved changes! :) It's so exciting, isn't it?! But lately I have realized that I have changed. I am not who I used to be. I think I like this new person (she feels a lot less guilt than she used to) but I am struggling to learn how to work with the new me. For example, I don't have a lot of patience for stupid things. "It is what it is" seems to be my life thought process now. And the next thought is usually "now pull on your big girl pants and get it done". Ha! I used to be the soft and gently and loving sort of person. The part of the new me that I have been thinking about lately is the "friendship" part. I think that I have lost some friends because of my stupidness and lack of patience. I just don't know how to be there "long-term". My life has always been one of being SOOOO close to family and not really being that dependant on friendships. I think of all my siblings, I was always the one that clung to family like I would drown without them. I still do that! I love just being at home with my husband and my kids around me. In fact, I often "flake out" on other things just so I can be at home. :) It's not that we do all these exciting and amazing things. We've only been to Disneyland once, 10 years ago (preLivvy). The last "vacation" we had was a year ago and it was to visit family in Utah for Livvy's baptism. My point is that I just love being with my family; playing cards, hanging out, just being together. :) So I am trying to be a better friend; trying to connect with people and understand that I need to do things with them. I am SO blessed to have amazing and wonderful friends in my life - I need to not just be grateful in my heart but also in my actions. Soooooo.... to everyone out there that I love: please be patient with me as I try to be better. Also be willing to tell me when you need/want me to hang. I am thick skulled and need to be reminded. :) I love you and I am grateful for you all! And whether you are near or far I know that my life has been made so much richer for you being a part of it!

This World May Seem Like A Ferris Wheel...

...sometimes your up and sometimes your down. I have been listening to an old cassette tape from when I was young, "My Turn On Earth". Those are the words from one of the songs. And that is how my life feels right now. CRAZY!! The latest with me being in bed for over a month. I hurt my back and it got so bad that I had to take an ambulance to the ER. That sucked but I got some good meds out of it! :) Then just as my back was getting better, we started getting the flu. First Elijah and then Elizabeth and lastly me. I have been SICK for almost 2 weeks with that. I am FINALLY starting to feel like normal again. YAY! I still have some residual "stuff" but I am so grateful for being able to be up and moving and doing things. We have been doing well as a family. The kids are getting big!! Elizabeth is 14 and going to dances and enjoying High School. Elijah is 13 and has found his voice. Sometimes I wish he wouldn't be so vocal though. :) Jake is almost 12 and wants to play tackle football and loves Polar Bears! Livvy is almost 9 and such a social butterfly!! But she still loves cuddles with Mom and, of course - Dogs! I have started selling doTerra essential oils and other odds and ends. I also make flannel diapers for a group called Teeny Tears. And I have started cleaning to make a few extra dollars. I love being at home and doing my crafts and being with my family. And now my kiddos are home and we have a busy evening ahead of us!