My FB Thoughts

I woke up this morning and turned on my FB to view how all my friends are doing this morning. I will be honest and have realized how FB has left a sour taste in my mouth lately. I could never put my finger on my sense of unease until now. And then as my mind started to think things over, it became more and more apparent about what FB really is. This is what I posted this morning:

I now realize why I hate FB!!! And my frustration with it has been growing. I love to post things, but I keep getting more and more unsettled. This morning I had a lightbulb moment!
FB is like a wierd adult version of high school. You often see that you aren't as popular as you want. You see that people often lie about who they are to look good. Your own life is never as fun or cool or exciting as... everyone elses.
I am sick of who I've become through FB and OH MY GOSH - can we stop the stupid one line comments meant to cut someone down?!
And finally, if someone in my life truly cared what was new with me, they would ask. A friend would know about me, NOT hover on FB wondering what my next move will be.
I will still have my FB account, but I will not be on here very often. I will still have my blog because I love to write. But I am saying, "BuhBye to the wierdness!" If you want to be my friend, then lets hang.
Peace, Little OUUUUT!!!! :)

These are my thoughts - FB has become a way for people to make one-line comments to say something to a particular individual that they are too chicken to say to their face. Often the thought is: "Maybe they will read this and realize what a jerk they are being." Doesn't that just sound wrong? And from that I realized that things have gotten where we think we truly need to have an opinion on EVERYTHING and that we are actually at liberty to state our opinions. We might even go so far as to think, "well, if they put it on FaceBook then they open themselves up to having comments made." I am now starting to realize that no one should have their life and mistakes judged by others.
I have to insert right now that all of this FB eyeopener stuff is actually kindof painful for me. I have done all of these things myself. Some of them often! It's an ugly place to be.
I also realized that although I knew quite a few people, not many of them were really friends. I would also get hurt because someone that I WANTED to be closer to would hang out with someone else I knew and it always made me sad. A perfect example is a few of the teachers at my kids' school. I really like them and want to be their friend. But it's a wierd thing to do. They are teachers and I am always so mindful of not crossing any lines. The ball is in their court (so to speak). But then my self esteem issues take over and I have talked myself into believing things. By the way, I am socially awkward! I often joke too much, or say goofy things.
Well, these teachers often hang out with another mom that is a LOT of fun!! She is a friend of mine too, but not a close friend.
Soooo, that's the point - I see on FB who hangs with who and is having sooooo much fun with whom. And it's a little depressing. But realistically, I need to ask myself if it's not being with someone because I want to or not being popular that makes me the most sad.
Another thing with FB is all the exciting things that everyone is doing! Seriously, it is VERY depressing hearing about everyone's trips and vacations and all the material things they have!!! My life isn't like that - we just don't have the money! And I am struggling with being ok with being poor. :)
Finally, all the cutting remarks - I am SICK of it!!!!! Why is it so important for you to cut people down? And the thing that really gets me - IF YOU REALLY DON'T LIKE SOMEONE, WHY ARE THEY ONE OF YOUR FB "FRIENDS"?!?! It's hypocritical in so many ways! I hear some people talking about gossiping and how they don't like someone because of the gossip and the backhanded rudish comments. Funny thing is - you are doing the exact same thing. Things that make you go hmmm....
Well, I need to go and take my freaks to school! That's enough ranting for now. Just be aware of your behavior and how outside things affect you!

Pics for Stacie

All the pics are in backward order!! So start at the end of this post. :)

this pic is of different stitching. going from the center of the heart to the right, you are wanting to use the running stitch (the second one).




Hope all of this helps! Call me again if you need more info! :)

Holy WOW!!

It's been a long day for me!! Long and emotional! I got some tough news today and it has really got me to thinking. I am not going to share the news (not my story to tell), but it made me think about the truly important things in life. Death is imminent for all of us. Some sooner than others and depending on your beliefs, you might cease to exist or go onto another life.
My beliefs are what give me a lot of strength. I am grateful for the knowledge that I have of a Plan that goes further than this life. Not only will I still exist, but I can be with my family and with Bret for Eternity.
(sigh) And all my thoughts went back to my day to day life. All the petty stupid things just seemed to melt away. Is it really all that important what people think of me, or who is mad at who? And honestly, why do I get so frustrated about all that stuff?
I need to hold my kids a little tighter and treat my Sweetheart a little kinder (ok, a LOT). I need to remember those that I love and reach out to them continually so they know how special they are to me. Our time in this life is no guarantee. It's time for me to drop the drama and get real (so to speak)!

Wow

I looked at my last post, March 2010. Long time ago. I have recently felt the need to come back to my blog and begin to write my life and feelings again. Before it was more about sharing what is going on in our lives, but right now I have been going through a lot of inside changes. I was a place to write them all down and I really like the "blog" format. Don't know why - just do. I think it might have something to do with the need we all have to share a bit of ourselves with someone. This is more of a random, "here I am" type of sharing.
So, onto my posting...
Lately I have struggled with changes in my personality and the way I look at things. Maybe it's because I am getting older. Maybe it's because I haven't been on my medication. :) And honestly, it could even be because I haven't been close to my Heavenly Father. Which is a big deal for me. Anyone who knew me years ago, knew how often I turned to Him. My testimony was a big part of my life and who I was. Not so much now. And it makes me sad.
My personality now? Bitter, sarcastic, untrusting, introverted, and judgemental. All of which were always part of me, just not very strong. Before, I was able to see someones faults before, but not let it affect my opinion of them. Now, on the other hand, I just get so frustrated by people and what I view as their poor choices. And I get angry and feel that I need to tell them the "right" way of doing things!
I know how bad this sounds! YUCK! But it's the truth. I could analyze myself for hours and figure out where this all comes from but I think for now I just wanna work on making it go away and getting back to who I am at the CORE.
First thing is to get back to reading my Scriptures and saying my Prayers. I NEED that! I CRAVE that!
Second is to work hard to be a Postive person. In my thoughts, my words and my actions. It is amazing how when you start to think negatively it becomes who you are.
And thirdly, I need to work on loving myself. This entails making better health choices and being content with my strengths and not jealous of others. I am a quiet, behind the scenes kind of person. I shouldn't try to be the life of the party. That's just awkward for everyone involved! :) LOL
Lastly, find ways to show the ones I love how much I love them in simple ways. Been reading the "Five Love Languages" book and want to apply it to all people I love. So don't be surprised to get a call or card or sign of love from me.
And as always, you are welcome to come along on this crazy ride of self REdiscovery!