I started typing up my experiences just now and realized that to get the full effect I have to go back even farther and give some background. I was also going to make this a funny commentation of everything, but alas it's not going to be so...
I've dealt with depression for a very long time. At one point I hit rock-bottom with it and went into emotional shutdown. I have recently realized that I HATE emotions and actually run away from them. I even rejected the Spirit most times because I couldn't deal with it. I felt things so drastically that eventually I shut it off. Well, in realizing this sad aspect of me, I decided to change even though I knew it would mean uncontrollable emotions and extremes in my feelings. But it's worth it right?! I mean how can you raise a family and live the Gospel without the Spirit in your life?! Sooooo, yesterday was the first day that I've really fasted in a long time. And by "really fasting," I mean not just going without food, but having a purpose and desire. (Oh, remind me to share a neat experience with you later.) Anyway, I'm on the edge of an emotional cliff.
So now with that background.....
Last night at about 1am I watched a Dateline show about 2 girls that had been in a car accident. One died and the other lived in a coma for 5 weeks. When she started to come to, her family realized that it wasn't their daughter but in fact was one of the other girls that had "died" in the accident. And realizing this, they understood that their daughter had died and been buryied as the other girl.
Well, this is not the sort of show an emotionally tender Mommy should watch at 1 in the morning! So at 2am everything that could go wrong to my children DID (in my mind). :(
Now Mommies, if you've never had the "pleasure" of this late night worry session, you are really missing out! My mom has gone through it (still does), my sister goes through it, and I too go through it. It's quite the experience!
Ok, back to my story. Needless to say, I couldn't sleep and went on the couch to watch something mild. I didn't fall asleep until 4ish and then only slept restlessly, waking completely at 6am.
Now, my fun doesn't stop there - and this is where I can now look back and laugh (sortof). I got the kids ready for school and we are heading out the door. We get in the van and drive out of the garage. And THIS is what happens:
My Hubby sure is sweet! And that's all I'm going to say about that!!! :)
2 comments:
Thanks for sharing. It makes me feel a little closer to you and reminds me that I'm not THAT weird. I'm right there with you.
You know we all do this, right? You get to that point where you either scream until your voice stops or laugh until milk squirts out your nose. (Hopefully not at the same time though!) How's your van?
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